Moreno Valley College Lavender Graduation Keynote

“Mental wellness is found in the collection of seemingly small moments and actions that create Authenticity, Community and align with your Why.”

Our founder, Jamie Roberts, LMFT, was invited to deliver the Keynote Speech at Moreno Valley College's Lavender Graduation on May 28, 2024. A Lavender Graduation is a celebration that highlights LGBTQIA2+ student accomplishments.

In her speech, Jamie covers her journey to her authentic self and shares how she believes you can live an authentic life.

Watch here or read the transcript.

Transcript

Thank you, Moreno Valley College and the LGBTQIA+2 community for the honor of speaking at this amazing Lavender Graduation. My name is Jamie Roberts, my pronouns are she/her. I am a Neuroqueer psychotherapist here in the Inland Empire. As a therapist I am used to asking thought provoking questions, and helping clients find their answer. Now I am on stage trying to impart wisdom to a large audience.

Today is monumental. A celebration of the culmination of your incredible hard work, perseverance and passion. While we tend to be good at celebrating big achievements, I want to take a second to acknowledge all the little moments that lead to this one. The papers you’ve written, the discussion board posts, the exams you passed and the ones you didn’t. The last-minute deadlines (because let's be real we all procrastinate). The times you said no to fun things and the times you said yes. The classmates that became friends. The professors that inspired you and the ones who challenged you. All of these experiences lead you to this moment and this version of you. Congratulations.

When I first began studying psychology, I wanted to understand why people people, that’s simple enough right! As a not yet diagnosed ADHD, Autistic and closeted young woman, I didn’t realize I was really trying to find myself.

Surprise! I wasn’t studying why people people! I was studying why it felt so difficult for me to interact with the ease I saw in others. Why I was always contorting myself into who I thought I was “supposed” to be. Why I was plagued with Anxiety in every interaction, constantly feeling I wasn’t enough. I made myself smaller, quieter, and more amenable. I needed answers! So I studied, and read, and listened, and studied even more.

Then in grad school they told us that in order to join a person in their most vulnerable and dark moments, to hold their pain, and navigate out to the other side, we first had to go there ourselves. This wasn’t something I could just learn in a book, I had to face my own shadow. The biggest lessons were to come outside of the classroom.

So let me save you 15 years of therapy, two degrees in psychology and therapist licensure. Here is what I wish I knew when I was younger.

Mental wellness is found in the collection of seemingly small moments and actions that create Authenticity, Community and align with your Why. Let me say that again.

Mental wellness is found in the collection of seemingly small moments and actions that create Authenticity, Community and align with your Why.

I invite you to try something with me. I’m going to ask you a few questions and I want you to notice what thoughts and feelings come up. Don’t question it, just notice the first thing.

Take a deep breath in, hold it, now exhale.

If you are comfortable, you may close your eyes.

Take another breath in, hold it, now exhale.

Where are you when you feel the most relaxed/calm?

Who are you with when you feel the most at ease with yourself?

What are you doing when you feel the most excited and passionate about life?

Hold on to the images, feelings and experiences you just visited.

Take a deep breath in, hold it, now exhale.

When you are ready you may open your eyes and return to this moment.

Mental well-being is fueled by the places, people and activities we share. And who you show up as in those moments is your authentic self.

The journey to my authentic self was not a straight line.  In the span of a year, I launched a business, experienced a health crisis, was diagnosed withADHD, got divorced, came out, started exploring Autism and… oh did I mention that was 2020! Everything I thought I knew was flipped upside down. I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted or what was coming next. But I felt closer to my truest self than I ever had before.

I had very similar experiences coming out queer as I did coming out Autistic. I was met with uncertainty, doubt, confusion - - - but also acceptance, love and community. With each of these identities I learned what parts of myself I was performing for the comfort of others, and the parts that were truly me. I got rid of the “professional” itchy clothing, dyed my hair, and started saying no to loud social events. 

I began appreciating the seemingly small moments of paint-stained clothing, kitten purrs, a cool breeze, and a comfortably silent 3 hour phone call. Many of you here are already living boldly and unapologetically as your full self! I love it!  

For everyone still navigating the delicate process of finding you, take your time, be intentional and curious about where you are when you feel relaxed, who you are with, and when you feel excited about life.

The more you live authentically, you may lose people who preferred your compliance, but you will also gain the community that truly sees and connects with who you are.

I would not have made it through that year, or the years since without my chosen family, and the collective action of the Queer and Neurodivergent communities. I can see that you already know the value and power of community to create a safe and vibrant embrace. This is invaluable! --- I don’t want to sugar coat anything and say self-care makes everything better. When we know that Trans and Queer rights are actively being threatened. The anxiety, fear and anger you may be experiencing is entirely appropriate and your nervous system is reacting exactly as it was designed to.

Some of you will change the system from the inside out. 

Some of you will face it head on openly protesting injustice. 

Some will manage the logistics of change behind the scenes.

And some, like me, will hold the emotions and trauma of others when the burden becomes too heavy. 

So how do we maintain mental health in the face of oppression?

In a community we are never working alone, we have each other to lean on, taking turns, celebrating and moving forward. We prioritize the seemingly small moments and actions, through celebrations like today, with your beautiful stoles/cords/caps, the fabulous performers, all the smiles, cheers and academic success.

Where are you when you feel relaxed, who are you with, and what excites you?

As a collective we can maintain the resistance, persistence and the existence of our vibrancy. I am so proud to be a part of this community with you.

Which brings me to Your Why. Your why is the guiding light on your journey, the thesis

to your paper, your purpose and reason for being. 

It anchors you when times are hard and keeps you moving forward. It can be a quote, a lyric, an image or a state of being. I have had the same Why for 15 years. But it hasn’t always meant the same thing. Your Why will evolve and change with you as you grow, learn and change. My why is: To be the person I needed when I was younger. 

Initially, it meant supporting teens with their mental health which evolved to creating a safe space for neuroqueer teens and their families which expanded into training new therapists affirming ways to support identity development. And today being who I needed when I was younger means sharing all of this with you.

Moving toward your Why and integrating it in your daily life creates a sense of ease when faced with tough decisions, setting boundaries and choosing what aligns with you. Discovering your Why is both a privilege and a responsibility.

So at this moment I invite you again, with all of your thoughts and dreams.

To take a breath, hold it, now exhale. Settle into your authentic self.

What immediately comes to mind when you think of your Why?

At this moment what do you know to be true for you?

Don’t think too hard, just feel it.

Now take a breath, hold it, now exhale.

(now quick write it down)

As we continue to celebrate this evening, I encourage you to show up authentically with your community and share your why. I know I would love to hear it -- even if you are still brainstorming. Acknowledge the seemingly little moments as much as the monumental.

Thank you, friends, family, and chosen family for the love and encouragement you have given your graduate. Thank you to the professors, staff and Moreno Valley College for intellectually nourishing our vibrantly colorful community.

Congratulations to each and everyone of you here and all that you have accomplished.

Today you have leveled up! Check point! Achievement Unlocked!

As this chapter closes and the next begins, take a moment to reflect on how far you have come. What worked for you and what didn’t. What you want more of, and what you can do without. Now look ahead and see all that is waiting for you! All that you are and All that you are becoming. I am so excited for you!

Congratulations class of 2024 !